if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
sex in a hospital.. check
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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