Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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