i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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