It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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