I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner