I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.