i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
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i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
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I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(