One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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