I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
