its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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