What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
