Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wish i was in the wii world.
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it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
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Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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