In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
