I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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