My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
