My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
