how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
