wanna go halves on a baby?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
