In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
