yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You may now shotgun with the bride
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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