You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
