I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
