He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
