apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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