Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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