Hey man sorry I got all grabby
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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