I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
