Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
