She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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