You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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