you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Terrible idea I love it
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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