You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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