I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
