Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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