I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I want you more than these girls want KFC
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I touched a dick in church today
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
