I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
