I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
