i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
