I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Dear god my vagina.
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