We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
