Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
