Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
