Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
