If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize