I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
