He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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