cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
