Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
