update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
