Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
