Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
