I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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