You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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