no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
