whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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