He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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