nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
