I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
