just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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