Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
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he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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