I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize