she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
