pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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