i jhust puked up my retainher.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
