put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
