is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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