Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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