I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
