just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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