every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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