I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
thus making me awesome and them whores
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
