Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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