So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
