please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
