you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
