rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
