You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
