My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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