So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
