i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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