I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
