I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
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He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
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Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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