just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
